Back in the 80's, I worked for a pediatric psychiatric hospital. It was an experience that dramatically changed my life, and my self-perspective, as well as that of my family and environment. I started to look at everything. That was good news for some and extremely bad news for others. One of my daughters asked me recently if I had to make the choices over again, would I, knowing what I know now. I'm sure we all ask ourselves that question at some point in our adult lives. My answer—yes, my choices would have been exactly the same. I realized that even as an adult that was very difficult to understand.
It was enjoyable to express the thoughts and process of those days when she was going from adolescence into her teen years, the misunderstandings, resentments, and outright defiance that surfaced from her camp. Her comments now that she just couldn't handle the emotions of my not budging from a decision that changed her life too. In retrospect, she agreed, the right decision was made and that she now had new emotions to deal with, and a new perspective to evaluate them.
Most people who know my daughter and me say that we are just different ages of the same person, which is dramatic since she lived with her dad during her teen years, defiantly not speaking to me in any way, shape, or form. Correctly stated we are similar in most ways, with a difference based on generational curves.
Our similar way of tackling problems makes going through a similar challenge in her life easier to discuss, while our differences in solving the same issue keeps us growing through communication. When communication shuts down—so do our relationships.
As a young mother, expecting another baby after eight years I found some real dangerous attitudes cropping up in my two older daughters. When asked, my answer was no, the baby cannot be adopted or go back. That's when I knew we were in for a real battle. So what is a mother to do?
I did what any pregnant, heat of the summer mother would do—I started two cooking classes. Each daughter was able to invite 7 of her girlfriends to our house, one class on Friday afternoon and the other on Saturday morning.
The girls were all thrilled and some learned for the first time how to do simple recipes with eggs, puddings, sandwiches, and the all-time favorite Snickerdoodle cookies and Rice Crispy squares. Seven or eight batches of slightly scorched Tapioca pudding was a bit much, however. At the end of the course, each group fixed lunch for their parents, served them on beautiful set tables on our patio and had a great afternoon. Silly me, I thought we were making headway into our new and expanded family life. I will save some of the story for another time. One of the great lessons, however, was communicating with kids all day instead of executives—now that was a real learning curve (smile).
What a great place we have come to—two women physically three-thousand miles apart, but emotionally as close as holding hands. We are now able to discuss, laugh, cry, tell stories of the past, present, and share the hopes of the future. And yes, it gives me great pleasure to see how she raises her children; going through the same challenges and witnessing the affect my life has had on her in the final outcome. Just when you don't think they're listening or paying any attention, stick around and you'll see you are more of an influence than you think.
Weekly challenge: Reach out to someone you have had difficulty communicating with--its so worth the effort! Don't forget to log your experiences in the Differences Encouraged Group at the Christian Women Take Root site.
Remember: YOU make a difference! Want to drop me a note? Email here
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